A makeup-free Happy Phantom took La Carmina on an alcohol-fueled romp through Koenji, the Tokyo district where he resides (although he’s now moving in with Dravarious). Nakano is a station away — home to the Broadway mall, or mini-Akihabara, where you’ll find cosplay, anime, toys, manga and (to my delight) kawaii jigsaw puzzles. Koenji is as much of a geek-fest.

First, we stopped for cheap fast food — which, in Japan, means vegetarian tempura and miso soup. I doused my bowl with my beloved shichimi togarashi (7-spice powder).

Koenji has one of the oddest restaurant mish-mashes you’ll encounter: a rockabilly curry house. My 80s-inspired outfit fit in with the hot pink walls and vinyl discs hanging from the ceiling.

If David Lynch and David Cronenberg opened a bar, it would be The Matching Mole (3-45-1, Eiwa building 3F, Koenji-minami). The owner is a glum otaku who surrounds himself with bloody fake fingernail sculptures and disemboweled cat keychains. Not even my friend’s Banana Brothers art could lift the gloom of the disturbing hentai.

Off to Vamp Bar, a retro-cluttered hole manned by a rock chick. She showed us camera-phone photos of her thrash band; we forced her to watch our YouTube videos. (You, too, should subscribe to his and my channel.)

On the way out, we stumbled across a 100 yen ($1) grab box. What do you think Happy Phantom took? The golf club, of course!

The next time you’re in Tokyo, come to Koenji for an unusual and inexpensive bar-hopping experience. If you run into Manabu (the emo kid with the hot Prince Valiant haircut), tell him we say hello!

Song of the Day #189: My cat Basil Farrow loves to listen to classical music… he’s currently dangling from a chair and twitching his ears to this Mozart playlist.