MenuBack

READER QUESTION: SHOULD I WEAR LOLITA FASHION? DEALING WITH TEASING, NO MONEY FOR BRAND CLOTHES, PARENTS DISAPPROVING OF GOTHLOLI.


READER QUESTION: SHOULD I WEAR LOLITA FASHION? DEALING WITH TEASING, PARENTS DISAPPROVING OF GOTHLOLI. people making fun of gothic lolitas, teasing, loli fail, lolita fail, Japanese harajuku flyers, pretty lolita models, budget fashion egl community, livejournal lolita, cgl 4chan

Dear La Carmina,
I would like some advice on something. My question is whether or not to go Lolita. You see, I would really love to go into the fashion, but I’m sorta scared (although it does help a little bit to be able to read some of the Japanese sites). Partially because I’m afraid my parents wouldn’t approve and if it happens, teasing. Not only that, but I’m only 13 (which makes me have no income and no possibility to get a job) and I live on the East Coast (where there is not much influence from japan). I really appreciate any advice you have on the matter (and, THANK YOU for having such an awesome blog).
– Signed, A troubled Reader

READER QUESTION: SHOULD I WEAR LOLITA FASHION? DEALING WITH TEASING, PARENTS DISAPPROVING OF GOTHLOLI. people making fun of gothic lolitas, teasing, loli fail, lolita fail, Japanese harajuku flyers, pretty lolita models, budget fashion egl community, livejournal lolita, cgl 4chan

Dear reader,
Please don’t be troubled! Lolita isn’t scary, and wearing the fashion doesn’t have to be like jumping off a bridge. As with any journey, the best way to go forth is by taking baby steps and enjoying every moment of the ride.

I personally don’t think that “entering into Lolita” is an all-or-nothing leap. There’s no rulebook that states you must own certain items or wear expensive Japanese brands to enter this lovely world. Instead, you can make Lolita a part of your life in many small ways. And the further you explore this wonderland, the more your confidence will grow.

READER QUESTION: SHOULD I WEAR LOLITA FASHION? DEALING WITH TEASING, PARENTS DISAPPROVING OF GOTHLOLI. people making fun of gothic lolitas, teasing, loli fail, lolita fail, Japanese harajuku flyers, pretty lolita models, budget fashion egl community, livejournal lolita, cgl 4chan

No pocket money? No access to Tokyo Lolita brands like Victorian Maiden? None of these should stop you from celebrating Lolita in your own personal way. Take, for example, Gothloli of the Week Anastasiya who is from Russia. She says, “I try to do my best with what I’ve got. Like making my bedroom as cute as possible.” You can do the same: put Mana-sama photos on your wall (like I did), kawaii toys on your bed, hand-made candy and crucifix necklaces on the wall.

Or you can also make tiny “tips of the hat” to Lolita fashion in your daily wear. For example, you might wear a big bow in your hair, or doll eyelashes, or a cute dress similar to the ones in the Milk catalogue above. My friends and I like to mix Lolita influences into our clothes; we don’t believe you have to look like an Angelic Pretty model in order to genuinely enjoy the fashion.

READER QUESTION: SHOULD I WEAR LOLITA FASHION? DEALING WITH TEASING, PARENTS DISAPPROVING OF GOTHLOLI. people making fun of gothic lolitas, teasing, loli fail, lolita fail, Japanese harajuku flyers, pretty lolita models, budget fashion egl community, livejournal lolita, cgl 4chan

What about teasing and family disapproval? I’m not going to lie to you — even in the most open-minded cities, you’ll encounter stares and harsh words when you wear alternative fashion. But my friends and I keep strong because we must! Holding back this means of self-expression would crush us; it would reduce us to shells of ourselves. And you’ll discover a type of magic in having a “crew of spooks”, loving alternative fashion/lifestyles and celebrating it together. It’s something that someone in a Polo shirt would never experience.

But all that will come later. Remember, trying Lolita fashion shouldn’t feel like a fall down a hill, but a stroll through a rose garden. You can make Loli a part of your life in many subtle ways. So take your time, feel it out and let it slowly enrich your life. Good luck!

Everyone, what would you advise to this reader? How do you make Lolita fashion a part of your life?

If you have a question for La Carmina, email me (gothiccarmina {at} gmail) and I’ll answer it in a blog post. You can read my previous responses to Reader Questions here. (All the above images are flyers I picked up in Tokyo and Osaka.)

Japanese Word of the Day: Kinjo = Neighborhood
Song of the Day: Kaizers Orchestra – Maestro (Gasmasks!)

Twitter icon square logo social network and bookmarkYouTube video icon square logo, share videos on social network siteRSS subscribe in a reader, Feedburner blog aggregation logo and iconFacebook social networking icon square logo Get posts in inbox by email, envelope mail icon and logo for blogs Feedburner Google webmaster tool

SHARE & COMMENT

100 Comments

  1. Yoshi
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 8:40 am | Permalink

    I agree with everything La Carmina has said, especially the part about making little ‘tips of the hat’ to Lolita fashion.
    When I was 13-15 I was very inspired by Lolita fashion, reading manga like Chobits and Card Captor Sakura, and I spent hours pouring over everything on the Angelic Pretty website… but to this day, I have never bought or worn an outfit that I would consider to be truly and completely ‘Lolita’. This is partly because, when I was at the height of my Lolita obsession, I had no money and no way to obtain the clothes.
    I’m 19 now and just thinking about it, many of the choices I make now about what I wear are subconsciously influenced by Lolita… you won’t ever see me dressing like an Angelic Pretty model, but I do like to wear frilly skirts. Quite a lot. Lolita fashion still inspires me but I no longer feel compelled to dress completely in that style.

    I would suggest to this reader that she have a look in local stores (second-hand stores especially) for items with a Lolita feel to them. Also, it’s always good to expose yourself to different styles – have a look at some different blogs, read different magazines, etc., to get ideas.

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:04 pm | Permalink

      Thanks for sharing your story! I think the best outcome is when your style turns into something that’s entirely your own. Secondhand = also a big source of finds for me.

  2. rach
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 8:50 am | Permalink

    it seems strange to me that parents would disapprove. lolita is such an innocent fashion with minimal to almost no skin showing, unlike most “popular” fashion that makes young girls look like little hookers. i could understand them not wanting to fork over hundreds of dollars for name brand though hahah.

    • AngryBroomstick
      Posted July 8, 2010 at 3:23 pm | Permalink

      I agree… Lolita is a sweet fashion and I think it’s much better than looking like a “hooker.”

      • lacarmina
        Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:07 pm | Permalink

        Ironically, some parents seem to be ok with their children wearing tiny, low-cut dresses because they see it on mainstream celebrities and on TV all the time. Whereas Harajuku fashion comes out of nowhere, and they have no frame of reference for it…

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:06 pm | Permalink

      I think parents instantly get anxious when their children do something “against the grain.” It doesn’t matter if the action is as harmless as dressing Loli or Decora, which doesn’t have a “deviant” attribution the way that, for example, punk might (anarchy!!!). It goes against their expectations; family friends and relatives might sneer and wonder what’s up with their child; they might worry that this is reflective of mental disorder hahaha… you get the picture!

  3. Yoshi
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 8:40 am | Permalink

    I agree with everything La Carmina has said, especially the part about making little 'tips of the hat' to Lolita fashion.
    When I was 13-15 I was very inspired by Lolita fashion, reading manga like Chobits and Card Captor Sakura, and I spent hours pouring over everything on the Angelic Pretty website… but to this day, I have never bought or worn an outfit that I would consider to be truly and completely 'Lolita'. This is partly because, when I was at the height of my Lolita obsession, I had no money and no way to obtain the clothes.
    I'm 19 now and just thinking about it, many of the choices I make now about what I wear are subconsciously influenced by Lolita… you won't ever see me dressing like an Angelic Pretty model, but I do like to wear frilly skirts. Quite a lot. Lolita fashion still inspires me but I no longer feel compelled to dress completely in that style.

    I would suggest to this reader that she have a look in local stores (second-hand stores especially) for items with a Lolita feel to them. Also, it's always good to expose yourself to different styles – have a look at some different blogs, read different magazines, etc., to get ideas.

  4. rach
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 8:50 am | Permalink

    it seems strange to me that parents would disapprove. lolita is such an innocent fashion with minimal to almost no skin showing, unlike most “popular” fashion that makes young girls look like little hookers. i could understand them not wanting to fork over hundreds of dollars for name brand though hahah.

  5. Denistar
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 4:02 pm | Permalink

    I really loved reading this post. I used to dress all punk and ero loli but I just kind of stopped when I got into the corporate world. I understand what you mean when you say that you are reduced to shells of yourselves. That’s how I feel right now. I miss the self-expression and the fun of putting together outfits. I am slowly dressing up again in the way I love. It’s really fun to get to do this again. But I’m taking it slow because my boyfriend would have a heart attack. Like you said, even the most open minded will stare and say harsh words.

    I hope the question asker will follow her heart. Despite the money issue, there are so many ways she can make her outfit Loli inspired. It’s in the creating and imagining what can be that makes this fashion statement fun and exciting.

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:08 pm | Permalink

      I’m happy you enjoyed the post! I think it can apply to someone who’s getting back into the fashion as well — small steps and gradually adjusting. Sending encouragement!

  6. Anonymous
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 5:30 pm | Permalink

    this question comes out a lot.

    1. BRAND – yes it s beautiful and amazing and I want it all.. but also.. Yes it’s expensive and out of reach for a lot of girls

    SOLUTIONS

    – bodyline, kstar (more recent kstar) taobao brands, all have amazing knock offs of lolita name brand items, kstar just released an AP milky-chan knock off that looks so awesome makes me sad i spend almost 400 dollars on my real one haha

    – lps, LUCKY PACKS!! such a great deal meta, baby and ap are big for releasing these at least twice a year and you really will never get a better deal on brand, and you often get a full outfit for 100-150 dolllars

    – second hand, lol most of us dont live in japan, so i suggest lj comm sales, or just googling lolita second hand you’ll get a million links! closet child, fururun and such

    – save, stop spending on junk and save, it’s amazing how much money you have when you stop buying chocolate bars or something useless

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    2. PEOPLE not Approving or teasing for you..

    HONESTLY if you can what other people think about you… lolita might not be for you. It’s an out there fashion and a lot of people may not approve. I know when it comes to parents for younger girls its a little harder, but if your parents dont approve you can A – wait til you move out, if you really love lolita you can wait to wear it day to day, B- do it neways, C- wear lolita on halloween and at anime conventions and any other day you have an excuse to dress up..

    as for people you walk by on the street.. who cares? lol i don’t know how many times i’ve got ” waht are you dressed up for?” or ” it’s a nice little bo peep costume” or just laughter, people in north america still have not been stream lined to lolita, sorry but harajuku girls didn’t make a break for us all lol

    you just gotta be brave, and if it’s what makes you happy than other people around you should be happy for you, if they aren’t they aren’t very good people.

    I agree that you can slowly bring in items of lolita, i mean i dont wear lolita everyday (its summer it’s real hot..) so i will wear my baby side bag or little other things that makes it more lolita for me and makes me happy ^_^

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:11 pm | Permalink

      EXCELLENT advice, my friend. Especially regarding the teasing. After 10+ years or so, my friends and I hardly bat an eye but it DOES take time and experience to get to that stage… I think being with friends who dress up, and having a great energy emanate from your group, speaks for itself. Those around us might stare and make faces, but a part of them thinks, hey they’re doing something creative and having a great time,,,

  7. Shauku
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:55 pm | Permalink

    take baby steps and BE CREATIVE!

  8. Animedancer87
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    Fashion’s supposed to be an extension of ourselves. Hence, there’s no reason for her to be scared of herself. If it’s something she wants to try, more power to her. She won’t know if she likes the fashion truly until she tests it out. And the baby steps idea seems to be the best way. Why invest some of the cash she does get into one or two large pieces she might not like in the end anyhow. Some accessories and small tidbids will also be a good way to gauge the opinions of those she’s worried about/cares for.

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:13 pm | Permalink

      Nicely said. It’s true — who knows what will happen until you try?

  9. Microw
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    you sould show your parents the lolita fashion style you never know thay could like it want to pay

    for some of the stuff or get you somethings for your b-day or xmas as for the teasing you

    shouldnt care what people think about you i know i did at one point in my life and i wos miserable

    now i don’t care what people think or say about me now people say i am not normal but i would

    rather be not normal and happy then being normal and unhappy besides you only get one life

    do what makes you happy

  10. Moonmaiden90
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    GREAT advice…I really dont know what else 2 add lol

  11. Sony
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:57 pm | Permalink

    Taking baby steps is good. But if you wanted to actually start with the clothing, you could always buy some blouses and lolita-ish skirts. I’ve seen plenty blouses/dress shirts at the mall that you wouldn’t think of as lolita, but with some thought and coordination, could easily be incorporated into an outfit. Lolita fashion is pretty detail-oriented, but just think about the outfit. If it’s not a name-brand outfit, it doesn’t make it any less lolita. Just pay attention to the details of the outfit, not the brand behind it. (Afterall, even BABY doesn’t make the best outfits 100% of the time.)
    As for the teasing, there really isn’t much you can do about that. But then again, you don’t have to go all out Harajuku-Bridge-Totally-Done-Up sort of lolita. As Carmina said, it’s not all or nothing. You can easily tone it down to make it more suitable for your comfort level, and the comfort of those around you. I think toning it down would be best, also.
    I’m not sure if this helped at all… But, good luck! ^^;

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:15 pm | Permalink

      True true — I’ve seen ruffled skirts at Forever 21, and my friend got an incredible Victorian necklace at H&M that you’d think came from a brand designer. And remember my crucifix ring from GUESS? http://www.lacarmina.com/blog/2009/12/silver-goth-crucifix-cross-ring-alice-the-pirates-high-corset-waist-skirt-gothloli-hair-dark-cabaret-neo-victoriana-style/

    • XxbeckyAngelxX
      Posted April 25, 2011 at 4:47 pm | Permalink

      I’m fourteen and I have just began to wear lolita as much as I can, though I don’t like to go all out as discomfort or my parents oftan putting a limit onto how far I can go, I know that our school has a non-uniform day, I live in england you see and well while most will be wearing skinny jeans and a lacost polo shirt, I will probably get teased. but in fact all of my, what i count lolita is all from mainstream stores,apart from my cherry print 50s dress whitch is from a shop called rocket, it is sort of 50s lolita-ish, but basically I you tend to get quiet good pieces as pearls and vintagey stuff is in, I found you advice helpful and often use the same idea for my own, not only that but because I am a very shy person, I try and where subtle loita when at school or with louder people to avoid stares, but slowly and steadily I am building up confidence and when I get older I am going to try and purchess an angelic pretty dress, thankyou for you help ^.^

      • lacarmina
        Posted April 26, 2011 at 3:14 am | Permalink

        That’s awesome! <3 Thank you for sharing your advice.

  12. AngryBroomstick
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 3:23 pm | Permalink

    I agree… Lolita is a sweet fashion and I think it's much better than looking like a “hooker.”

  13. Denistar
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 4:02 pm | Permalink

    I really loved reading this post. I used to dress all punk and ero loli but I just kind of stopped when I got into the corporate world. I understand what you mean when you say that you are reduced to shells of yourselves. That's how I feel right now. I miss the self-expression and the fun of putting together outfits. I am slowly dressing up again in the way I love. It's really fun to get to do this again. But I'm taking it slow because my boyfriend would have a heart attack. Like you said, even the most open minded will stare and say harsh words.

    I hope the question asker will follow her heart. Despite the money issue, there are so many ways she can make her outfit Loli inspired. It's in the creating and imagining what can be that makes this fashion statement fun and exciting.

  14. Cielle
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 9:11 pm | Permalink

    Sadly enough, I’m faced with the same money dilemma, but thanks for the advice about it. =]
    Like a lot of other people have said, there’s not much point caring about what other people think. It’s a way of expressing yourself, like a form of art. Who cares what other people think? After all, it’s just what you think about yourself that counts. Life’s too short to care about the superficial views of others.

    –Oh, and if it helps, Maruione.jp is having a sale now, and some of their lolita clothes/accessories are on sale.

  15. mujitsu
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 5:30 pm | Permalink

    this question comes out a lot.

    1. BRAND – yes it s beautiful and amazing and I want it all.. but also.. Yes it's expensive and out of reach for a lot of girls

    SOLUTIONS

    – bodyline, kstar (more recent kstar) taobao brands, all have amazing knock offs of lolita name brand items, kstar just released an AP milky-chan knock off that looks so awesome makes me sad i spend almost 400 dollars on my real one haha

    – lps, LUCKY PACKS!! such a great deal meta, baby and ap are big for releasing these at least twice a year and you really will never get a better deal on brand, and you often get a full outfit for 100-150 dolllars

    – second hand, lol most of us dont live in japan, so i suggest lj comm sales, or just googling lolita second hand you'll get a million links! closet child, fururun and such

    – save, stop spending on junk and save, it's amazing how much money you have when you stop buying chocolate bars or something useless

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    2. PEOPLE not Approving or teasing for you..

    HONESTLY if you can what other people think about you… lolita might not be for you. It's an out there fashion and a lot of people may not approve. I know when it comes to parents for younger girls its a little harder, but if your parents dont approve you can A – wait til you move out, if you really love lolita you can wait to wear it day to day, B- do it neways, C- wear lolita on halloween and at anime conventions and any other day you have an excuse to dress up..

    as for people you walk by on the street.. who cares? lol i don't know how many times i've got ” waht are you dressed up for?” or ” it's a nice little bo peep costume” or just laughter, people in north america still have not been stream lined to lolita, sorry but harajuku girls didn't make a break for us all lol

    you just gotta be brave, and if it's what makes you happy than other people around you should be happy for you, if they aren't they aren't very good people.

    I agree that you can slowly bring in items of lolita, i mean i dont wear lolita everyday (its summer it's real hot..) so i will wear my baby side bag or little other things that makes it more lolita for me and makes me happy ^_^

  16. EleganBlack
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 10:43 pm | Permalink

    This question is the lifelong question I’ve had ever since I discovered that my mindset is different to that of my classmates and etc. I’m glad you answered such a question, because me and probably many others have the same troubles as that reader.

    I’ll focus on the part where you said about your own company and generally the part about a ‘“crew of spooks”, loving alternative fashion/lifestyles and celebrating it together’. Sometimes it’s not so easy, finding people who share the same tastes and ideals as you do. Especially when you’re not allowed yet to visit places that will allow you to meet new people. My meeting-new-people area is secluded in the horrid place called school where I’ve only found two people like me and one of them is leaving school this year. So I’m stuck with people who are nice and friendly and all that, but still can’t offer the magic you mentioned. Sigh… Was it easy for you finding your crew of spooks ?

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 8, 2010 at 11:02 pm | Permalink

      I’ll be frank: it takes a long time. It really doesn’t begin until after high school, and even then, there’s a lot of trial and error… getting to know different people… before you really click. HOWEVER I think it’s become a lot easier these days, with the Net. There are tons of Jrock/Lolita/etc fans who connect online, and meet up in real life.

  17. Falcon
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 10:46 pm | Permalink

    Don’t let others get you down. Your real friends are the ones who love you no matter how you look. Thoes who make fun of others are just imature pest who can’t hanndle diffrence.

  18. Aiko
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 10:47 pm | Permalink

    like, if u dnt have the confidence to dress the way u want, dnt even try cuz it wont turn out good. u gotta just think u look awesome and go…

  19. Shauku
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:55 pm | Permalink

    take baby steps and BE CREATIVE!

  20. Animedancer87
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    Fashion's supposed to be an extension of ourselves. Hence, there's no reason for her to be scared of herself. If it's something she wants to try, more power to her. She won't know if she likes the fashion truly until she tests it out. And the baby steps idea seems to be the best way. Why invest some of the cash she does get into one or two large pieces she might not like in the end anyhow. Some accessories and small tidbids will also be a good way to gauge the opinions of those she's worried about/cares for.

  21. Microw
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    you sould show your parents the lolita fashion style you never know thay could like it want to pay

    for some of the stuff or get you somethings for your b-day or xmas as for the teasing you

    shouldnt care what people think about you i know i did at one point in my life and i wos miserable

    now i don't care what people think or say about me now people say i am not normal but i would

    rather be not normal and happy then being normal and unhappy besides you only get one life

    do what makes you happy

  22. Moonmaiden90
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    GREAT advice…I really dont know what else 2 add lol

  23. Sony
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 6:57 pm | Permalink

    Taking baby steps is good. But if you wanted to actually start with the clothing, you could always buy some blouses and lolita-ish skirts. I've seen plenty blouses/dress shirts at the mall that you wouldn't think of as lolita, but with some thought and coordination, could easily be incorporated into an outfit. Lolita fashion is pretty detail-oriented, but just think about the outfit. If it's not a name-brand outfit, it doesn't make it any less lolita. Just pay attention to the details of the outfit, not the brand behind it. (Afterall, even BABY doesn't make the best outfits 100% of the time.)
    As for the teasing, there really isn't much you can do about that. But then again, you don't have to go all out Harajuku-Bridge-Totally-Done-Up sort of lolita. As Carmina said, it's not all or nothing. You can easily tone it down to make it more suitable for your comfort level, and the comfort of those around you. I think toning it down would be best, also.
    I'm not sure if this helped at all… But, good luck! ^^;

  24. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:04 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for sharing your story! I think the best outcome is when your style turns into something that's entirely your own. Secondhand = also a big source of finds for me.

  25. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:06 pm | Permalink

    I think parents instantly get anxious when their children do something “against the grain.” It doesn't matter if the action is as harmless as dressing Loli or Decora, which doesn't have a “deviant” attribution the way that, for example, punk might (anarchy!!!). It goes against their expectations; family friends and relatives might sneer and wonder what's up with their child; they might worry that this is reflective of mental disorder hahaha… you get the picture!

  26. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:07 pm | Permalink

    Ironically, some parents seem to be ok with their children wearing tiny, low-cut dresses because they see it on mainstream celebrities and on TV all the time. Whereas Harajuku fashion comes out of nowhere, and they have no frame of reference for it…

  27. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:08 pm | Permalink

    I'm happy you enjoyed the post! I think it can apply to someone who's getting back into the fashion as well — small steps and gradually adjusting. Sending encouragement!

  28. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:11 pm | Permalink

    EXCELLENT advice, my friend. Especially regarding the teasing. After 10+ years or so, my friends and I hardly bat an eye but it DOES take time and experience to get to that stage… I think being with friends who dress up, and having a great energy emanate from your group, speaks for itself. Those around us might stare and make faces, but a part of them thinks, hey they're doing something creative and having a great time,,,

  29. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:12 pm | Permalink

    <3 you got it!

  30. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:13 pm | Permalink

    Nicely said. It's true — who knows what will happen until you try?

  31. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:14 pm | Permalink

    Normal and unhappy = my worst nightmare!

  32. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 7:15 pm | Permalink

    True true — I've seen ruffled skirts at Forever 21, and my friend got an incredible Victorian necklace at H&M that you'd think came from a brand designer. And remember my crucifix ring from GUESS? http://www.lacarmina.com/blog/2009/12/silver-go

  33. Lavon
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 12:50 am | Permalink

    You are a wise lady.

  34. Cielle
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 9:11 pm | Permalink

    Sadly enough, I'm faced with the same money dilemma, but thanks for the advice about it. =]
    Like a lot of other people have said, there's not much point caring about what other people think. It's a way of expressing yourself, like a form of art. Who cares what other people think? After all, it's just what you think about yourself that counts. Life's too short to care about the superficial views of others.

    –Oh, and if it helps, Maruione.jp is having a sale now, and some of their lolita clothes/accessories are on sale.

  35. LadyAri
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:34 am | Permalink

    I remember having a similar discussion with u about myself since Im quite a bit older than most people giving Lolita a try. I think your reader should go for it even if its a bit at a time. Ive found that from all the time Ive spent (primarily online) looking at photos of things I like that is taught my eye to spot things in stores that I can use to get the feel of loli or vk. that way I can still have the flavor on days I dont really throw it all on. and thankfully where I work I can pretty much dress how I want. I even snapped a photo of a custy who came n one day n a bodyline piece :-)

  36. NoLifeKing
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:40 am | Permalink

    Fashion can be a very powerful form of expression. Finding a style you like and want to wear is a very good thing, but as others have said it doesn’t mean you have to spend a fortune on brand names or obey the “rules” 100%.

    Think about why Lolita appeals to you. Figure out what bits you like the best and make them into something you’re comfortable with, as has been said starting off small is a good step. If you like bows then start by wearing some in your hair or adding them to existing clothes, if there are specific colours you like then wear them, doing little things gradually can help you adjust to any reactions you might get.

    Are there any other fashion styles you like that you might want to take inspiration from too? It can be fun to mix things up and find something that reflects you the best, as others have said be creative! You don’t have to dress in Lolita everyday in order to enjoy it.
    Wearing anything unusual will attract attention, I dress in a variety of styles but find that if it’s Lolita I still get stared at/the odd comment but more then that I get people telling me how pretty my clothes are and asking where I got them!

    If you’re worried about what your parents will think then start by showing them pictures online and ask their opinion, explain how important it is to you, they might be more understanding then you think. If not then you’ll have to decide if it’s important enought for you to go ahead with anyway.
    Try talking about it to your friends too, even if they don’t like it for themselves they can help support you, especially if you’re worried about being teased.

    Lolita isn’t there to make you feel uncomfortable or bad about yourself. Remember you can always change back or switch to a different style if you decide it’s not for you, but if you find you like wearing Lolita then do so, fashion is a great way to meet like-minded people – enjoy yourself!

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:52 am | Permalink

      I think you made a number of good points, especially about educating the parents. I think it’s a practical route to take: let them know what it’s about, so that they have a better frame of reference. :)

  37. Stella
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:40 am | Permalink

    It’s funny, I live in what was once, and still is to some extent, a very backwards East Coast town. When I was 15 I had dyed my hair black, wore all black, teased my hair like Siouxsie Sioux, wore lots of creative black eyeliner and people were scared to death of me. I didn’t care because I was doing in my heart what felt right. Many years later, at nearly 40 years of age I still have the same attitude. I’ve worked jobs where I could dye my hair blue or strawberry or whatever. But people had a very different reaction- very positive. It’s all not just in your creativity but in you’re demeanor as well. You can be cheerful and get those positive reactions however you dress but you learn to get a back bone and stand up for yourself and what you feel is YOU. Go thrift shopping. Get a starter sewing machine and learn to sew. There’s many inexpensive and easy patterns you could work with and adorn however you choose. And who knows? YOU might become the next big thing. ♥

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:55 am | Permalink

      Wonderful words of wisdom! <3 Attitude really determines everything — and goes with whatever you wear.

  38. EleganBlack
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 10:43 pm | Permalink

    This question is the lifelong question I've had ever since I discovered that my mindset is different to that of my classmates and etc. I'm glad you answered such a question, because me and probably many others have the same troubles as that reader.

    I'll focus on the part where you said about your own company and generally the part about a '“crew of spooks”, loving alternative fashion/lifestyles and celebrating it together'. Sometimes it's not so easy, finding people who share the same tastes and ideals as you do. Especially when you're not allowed yet to visit places that will allow you to meet new people. My meeting-new-people area is secluded in the horrid place called school where I've only found two people like me and one of them is leaving school this year. So I'm stuck with people who are nice and friendly and all that, but still can't offer the magic you mentioned. Sigh… Was it easy for you finding your crew of spooks ?

  39. Falcon
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 10:46 pm | Permalink

    Don't let others get you down. Your real friends are the ones who love you no matter how you look. Thoes who make fun of others are just imature pest who can't hanndle diffrence.

  40. Aiko
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 10:47 pm | Permalink

    like, if u dnt have the confidence to dress the way u want, dnt even try cuz it wont turn out good. u gotta just think u look awesome and go…

  41. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 10:58 pm | Permalink

    Oooh sale! ahah. Art for art's sake!

  42. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 11:02 pm | Permalink

    I'll be frank: it takes a long time. It really doesn't begin until after high school, and even then, there's a lot of trial and error… getting to know different people… before you really click. HOWEVER I think it's become a lot easier these days, with the Net. There are tons of Jrock/Lolita/etc fans who connect online, and meet up in real life.

  43. lacarmina
    Posted July 8, 2010 at 11:02 pm | Permalink

    Well said! :P

  44. Lavon
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 12:50 am | Permalink

    You are a wise lady.

  45. Yukiro Dravarious
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 6:54 am | Permalink

    what a lovely respond! I wish someone had told me this when I was 13 ~^_^

  46. LadyAri
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:34 am | Permalink

    I remember having a similar discussion with u about myself since Im quite a bit older than most people giving Lolita a try. I think your reader should go for it even if its a bit at a time. Ive found that from all the time Ive spent (primarily online) looking at photos of things I like that is taught my eye to spot things in stores that I can use to get the feel of loli or vk. that way I can still have the flavor on days I dont really throw it all on. and thankfully where I work I can pretty much dress how I want. I even snapped a photo of a custy who came n one day n a bodyline piece :-)

  47. NoLifeKing
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:40 am | Permalink

    Fashion can be a very powerful form of expression. Finding a style you like and want to wear is a very good thing, but as others have said it doesn't mean you have to spend a fortune on brand names or obey the “rules” 100%.

    Think about why Lolita appeals to you. Figure out what bits you like the best and make them into something you're comfortable with, as has been said starting off small is a good step. If you like bows then start by wearing some in your hair or adding them to existing clothes, if there are specific colours you like then wear them, doing little things gradually can help you adjust to any reactions you might get.

    Are there any other fashion styles you like that you might want to take inspiration from too? It can be fun to mix things up and find something that reflects you the best, as others have said be creative! You don't have to dress in Lolita everyday in order to enjoy it.
    Wearing anything unusual will attract attention, I dress in a variety of styles but find that if it's Lolita I still get stared at/the odd comment but more then that I get people telling me how pretty my clothes are and asking where I got them!

    If you're worried about what your parents will think then start by showing them pictures online and ask their opinion, explain how important it is to you, they might be more understanding then you think. If not then you'll have to decide if it's important enought for you to go ahead with anyway.
    Try talking about it to your friends too, even if they don't like it for themselves they can help support you, especially if you're worried about being teased.

    Lolita isn't there to make you feel uncomfortable or bad about yourself. Remember you can always change back or switch to a different style if you decide it's not for you, but if you find you like wearing Lolita then do so, fashion is a great way to meet like-minded people – enjoy yourself!

  48. Stella
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:40 am | Permalink

    It's funny, I live in what was once, and still is to some extent, a very backwards East Coast town. When I was 15 I had dyed my hair black, wore all black, teased my hair like Siouxsie Sioux, wore lots of creative black eyeliner and people were scared to death of me. I didn't care because I was doing in my heart what felt right. Many years later, at nearly 40 years of age I still have the same attitude. I've worked jobs where I could dye my hair blue or strawberry or whatever. But people had a very different reaction- very positive. It's all not just in your creativity but in you're demeanor as well. You can be cheerful and get those positive reactions however you dress but you learn to get a back bone and stand up for yourself and what you feel is YOU. Go thrift shopping. Get a starter sewing machine and learn to sew. There's many inexpensive and easy patterns you could work with and adorn however you choose. And who knows? YOU might become the next big thing. ♥

  49. lacarmina
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:52 am | Permalink

    I think you made a number of good points, especially about educating the parents. I think it's a practical route to take: let them know what it's about, so that they have a better frame of reference. :)

  50. lacarmina
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:55 am | Permalink

    Wonderful words of wisdom! <3 Attitude really determines everything — and goes with whatever you wear.

  51. Yukiro Dravarious
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 6:54 am | Permalink

    what a lovely respond! I wish someone had told me this when I was 13 ~^_^

  52. Riff
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:12 pm | Permalink

    I know it’s really hard to get over the peer pressure when you’re thirteen, and people staring/laughing at you sounds like the most embarrassing thing ever. It will take some time to learn to ignore people who judge you, maybe a lot of time, depending on your personality. If it takes a long time, don’t worry about it. It took me a while, but it’s not that I’m self-conscious – I simply don’t like people staring at me or yelling out comments, because I think it’s rude. It doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have enough confidence in yourself. :)
    (And parents can be worn down, trust me, hahaha.)

    Also, you’ll find that for all the people who laugh at you or whatever, there will always be a few people who do come up to you and tell you that they like your style. So try not to worry too much. :)

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 9, 2010 at 7:29 pm | Permalink

      It’s TRUE haha. Parents get worn down by the time you’re in your early 20s. Before, it’s a struggle for sure…

  53. Anonymous
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:34 pm | Permalink

    Oh dear, my 10/6 dollie, take it from me. I live in Tampa, FL, where there is nothing but old people, wannabe gangsters and conservative southerners and racist gay-hating rednecks. I’ve been chased by female “queer beaters”. Trust me, I can tell you about stares and harsh words. I dress in visual kei and lolita, mixed with other Japanese fashions, and it’s definitely not common here. Granted I do have some money to buy brands from overseas, but it wasn’t always like that. You just have to work with what you have. Don’t worry about what people think of you. Yes, you may still be 13, and you still have a lot to deal with such as peer pressure, teasing, etc., but that doesn’t mean you can’t hold a strong head on your shoulders, ya?

    If you are worried about your parents’ approval, don’t be so hectic. Show them how much Lolita means to you, how cute and innocent it is. I don’t see how they wouldn’t appreciate you wearing it; it’s feminine and girly, cute and innocent, sometimes dark, yet lovely and elegant, and you’re not dressing like a slut like a lot of girls your age start dressing. You present your beauty in a more refined and classier matter.

    Please remember that Lolita isn’t JUST a fashion, it’s a lifestyle. Perhaps if you showed your parents some of the things that Lolitas are prone to do and what is common in Lolita culture, I’m pretty sure it would be hard for them to steer away from a yes. My dear, please express yourself through your fashions as much as you’d like, and don’t be afraid of criticism. It will come even worse in life, trust me. Besides, you’ll more than likely end up like me and several others when others come up to me asking me, “Where did you get that outfit?” or the usual, “That looks so weird!” Haha! Enjoy every bit of good and bad.

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 9, 2010 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

      Yup, the “bad” is kind of fun in its own way… it’ll make you stronger!

      • Anonymous
        Posted July 9, 2010 at 9:42 pm | Permalink

        I think the “bad” responses are quite hilarious. Try walking into a “normal” restaurant with bright pink teased J-rocker hair, piercings and red contacts xD haha The reactions are to die for. I’m sure you have done many of the sort, but you see my point.

  54. Anonymous
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

    Oh, and as far as obtaining materials from Lolita, or not knowing what ideas to go by, just read some manga and watch some anime. Series such as Chobits, Kuroshitsuji, xxxHOLiC, Death Note, Alichino, and others are just examples that can give you plenty of inspiration~ ^^ Good luck~

    SEIRAN-晴-

  55. Alessandro
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 7:03 pm | Permalink

    I love dolls!

  56. Riff
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:12 pm | Permalink

    I know it's really hard to get over the peer pressure when you're thirteen, and people staring/laughing at you sounds like the most embarrassing thing ever. It will take some time to learn to ignore people who judge you, maybe a lot of time, depending on your personality. If it takes a long time, don't worry about it. It took me a while, but it's not that I'm self-conscious – I simply don't like people staring at me or yelling out comments, because I think it's rude. It doesn't necessarily mean you don't have enough confidence in yourself. :)
    (And parents can be worn down, trust me, hahaha.)

    Also, you'll find that for all the people who laugh at you or whatever, there will always be a few people who do come up to you and tell you that they like your style. So try not to worry too much. :)

  57. stillprince
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

    Oh, and as far as obtaining materials from Lolita, or not knowing what ideas to go by, just read some manga and watch some anime. Series such as Chobits, Kuroshitsuji, xxxHOLiC, Death Note, Alichino, and others are just examples that can give you plenty of inspiration~ ^^ Good luck~

    SEIRAN-晴-

  58. Alessandro
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 7:03 pm | Permalink

    I love dolls!

  59. lacarmina
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 7:29 pm | Permalink

    It's TRUE haha. Parents get worn down by the time you're in your early 20s. Before, it's a struggle for sure…

  60. lacarmina
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

    Yup, the “bad” is kind of fun in its own way… it'll make you stronger!

  61. Thomas
    Posted July 10, 2010 at 1:12 am | Permalink

    Thankfully there are a LOT of small steps you can take when going Lolita. Its becoming slightly more common, at least for certain Lolita flourishes. La Carmina mentions H&M having Victorian necklaces, my cousin got me a lovely cameo necklace from American Eagle (I think). Ruffled skirts are more common, and plenty of stores sell those fake corset tops (which I bring up as they’re much cheaper than real corsets). I know its not the same as looking like some of the Loli models from the Japanese name brands… Perhaps you can take an interest in sewing and maybe your parents can help out with getting fabric or a machine for the holidays, and then you can make your own.

    Being from the largest city in America where there is impossible job competition especially for youths, I remember being young and broke very well. It was even more taboo being a guy going Lolita (and even harder given size issues). You’ll have less regrets enjoying yourself and finding ways to deal with the teasing. It won’t be easy, but it will be a lot more fun ^^.

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 10, 2010 at 1:15 am | Permalink

      DIY is one of the most rewarding ways to add Lolita into outfits, IMO. I think fashion is about having a good eye for materials and objects, and the way you assemble them together. Even if people aren’t good at sewing, there are easy ways to work with beads, hand-sewing and painting to make something amazing.

  62. stillprince
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 9:42 pm | Permalink

    I think the “bad” responses are quite hilarious. Try walking into a “normal” restaurant with bright pink teased J-rocker hair, piercings and red contacts xD haha The reactions are to die for.

  63. Thomas
    Posted July 10, 2010 at 1:12 am | Permalink

    Thankfully there are a LOT of small steps you can take when going Lolita. Its becoming slightly more common, at least for certain Lolita flourishes. La Carmina mentions H&M having Victorian necklaces, my cousin got me a lovely cameo necklace from American Eagle (I think). Ruffled skirts are more common, and plenty of stores sell those fake corset tops (which I bring up as they're much cheaper than real corsets). I know its not the same as looking like some of the Loli models from the Japanese name brands… Perhaps you can take an interest in sewing and maybe your parents can help out with getting fabric or a machine for the holidays, and then you can make your own.

    Being from the largest city in America where there is impossible job competition especially for youths, I remember being young and broke very well. It was even more taboo being a guy going Lolita (and even harder given size issues). You'll have less regrets enjoying yourself and finding ways to deal with the teasing. It won't be easy, but it will be a lot more fun ^^.

  64. lacarmina
    Posted July 10, 2010 at 1:15 am | Permalink

    DIY is one of the most rewarding ways to add Lolita into outfits, IMO. I think fashion is about having a good eye for materials and objects, and the way you assemble them together. Even if people aren't good at sewing, there are easy ways to work with beads, hand-sewing and painting to make something amazing.

  65. EmpressComplexity
    Posted July 11, 2010 at 3:55 am | Permalink

    I am not really lolita but i do love the style and try to include it in my style.
    Since you don’t have money yet for gifts and what not ask for cute things like hair bows and adorable purses and frilly skirts and other cute things that are loli-able.

    Learn to sew so that you can cutsomize some of your clothing to be a little more lolita.
    Adding lace, bows and frills are always a good idea.
    Sewing is a good hobby anyway.
    If your parent’s are willing to support a new hobby then you are all set to start creating cute things.
    And there are tons of possibilities with the use of a hot glue gun for nice accessories like lolita headdresses and headbands, mini top hats, and more.
    There are plenty of tutorials online for lolitas.
    I hope this is encouraging :)

    • EmpressComplexity
      Posted July 11, 2010 at 4:00 am | Permalink

      And about the whole teasing and parents bit (totally spaced that) Don’t feel discouraged.
      And DON’T lock your desires in.
      I did that and when i was 15 I went through a depression because When i was finally trying to be how i wanted my mom wouldn’t let me.
      If anything comes up with your parents disagreeing explain to them that you really like the style, it isn’t anything innapropriate, and suffocating your self expression can lead to a very unhappy you and your happyness should matter to them.

      As for other kids. Eventually you will realize that it’s not what everyone else think that matters. It’s what you think and believe. And if other people don’t like it then it’s their loss

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 11, 2010 at 5:34 am | Permalink

      Sewing is like a passport — it gives you freedom to create your own things — great advice.

  66. EmpressComplexity
    Posted July 11, 2010 at 3:55 am | Permalink

    I am not really lolita but i do love the style and try to include it in my style.
    Since you don't have money yet for gifts and what not ask for cute things like hair bows and adorable purses and frilly skirts and other cute things that are loli-able.

    Learn to sew so that you can cutsomize some of your clothing to be a little more lolita.
    Adding lace, bows and frills are always a good idea.
    Sewing is a good hobby anyway.
    If your parent's are willing to support a new hobby then you are all set to start creating cute things.
    And there are tons of possibilities with the use of a hot glue gun for nice accessories like lolita headdresses and headbands, mini top hats, and more.
    There are plenty of tutorials online for lolitas.
    I hope this is encouraging :)

  67. EmpressComplexity
    Posted July 11, 2010 at 4:00 am | Permalink

    And about the whole teasing and parents bit (totally spaced that) Don't feel discouraged.
    And DON'T lock your desires in.
    I did that and when i was 15 I went through a depression because When i was finally trying to be how i wanted my mom wouldn't let me.
    If anything comes up with your parents disagreeing explain to them that you really like the style, it isn't anything innapropriate, and suffocating your self expression can lead to a very unhappy you and your happyness should matter to them.

    As for other kids. Eventually you will realize that it's not what everyone else think that matters. It's what you think and believe. And if other people don't like it then it's their loss

  68. lacarmina
    Posted July 11, 2010 at 5:34 am | Permalink

    Sewing is like a passport — it gives you freedom to create your own things — great advice.

  69. RoseSaga
    Posted July 11, 2010 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

    My advice would be: Be strong and try to learn as much about the fashion as possible! Start reading magazines like the GLB online, make a folder on your computer with your favorite pictures or make a scrapbook with them and start finding a personal “style icon” for yourself so that you have a role model to get inspired by or to look up to. Also, attitude is very important: As for myself, I consider myself a “princess at heart” which means that I try to be well-mannered, elegant and friendly in everything I do. It’s very important to be strong, too, when you enter any kind of alternative fashion. No matter hot tolerant the people might seem, you will get lots of stares and rude comments when wearing lolita. This shouldn’t stop you from wearing it, though! If you feel pretty, the people can’t get you down no matter what they say. It’s important that you feel comfortable in what you wear and I don’t think you should care too much about the opinion of other people.

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 11, 2010 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

      Wonderful words of advice. I think attitude can make all the difference.

  70. RoseSaga
    Posted July 11, 2010 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

    My advice would be: Be strong and try to learn as much about the fashion as possible! Start reading magazines like the GLB online, make a folder on your computer with your favorite pictures or make a scrapbook with them and start finding a personal “style icon” for yourself so that you have a role model to get inspired by or to look up to. Also, attitude is very important: As for myself, I consider myself a “princess at heart” which means that I try to be well-mannered, elegant and friendly in everything I do. It's very important to be strong, too, when you enter any kind of alternative fashion. No matter hot tolerant the people might seem, you will get lots of stares and rude comments when wearing lolita. This shouldn't stop you from wearing it, though! If you feel pretty, the people can't get you down no matter what they say. It's important that you feel comfortable in what you wear and I don't think you should care too much about the opinion of other people.

  71. lacarmina
    Posted July 11, 2010 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

    Wonderful words of advice. I think attitude can make all the difference.

  72. HagumiW
    Posted July 17, 2010 at 6:19 pm | Permalink

    At first I was scare to dress myself what I like.My mom doesn’t agree things like Lolita style or cosplay etc. She things it’s for people whos bad or strange. And I don’t have much money on the brand dress either. But all the Lolita stuff are too sweet and lovely and adorable. I try to make some accessory by myself like big ribbon. People staring at me when I wear them. But that’s just who I am. Add a little lolita image in my daily style like lace,ribbon or just sweet pattern makes me feel great. Since I knew my mom read my blog, I introduce lolita world on it to let her and other people who and misunderstanding of lolita. It’s just a style:) I think it works. I’m going to make some Lolita dress my self this summer(it much more cheaper♥). I think Lolita style is not only what you wear but a kind of spirit of life. I only have one Angelic Pretty Skirt so far but I think I’m totally Lolita. So just think in lolita way,a big smile is the first step.It’s not a sin to be cute:)

    • lacarmina
      Posted July 17, 2010 at 8:42 pm | Permalink

      Great advice – DIY, small steps, and introducing your parents to the concept. :D

  73. HagumiW
    Posted July 17, 2010 at 6:19 pm | Permalink

    At first I was scare to dress myself what I like.My mom doesn't agree things like Lolita style or cosplay etc. She things it's for people whos bad or strange. And I don't have much money on the brand dress either. But all the Lolita stuff are too sweet and lovely and adorable. I try to make some accessory by myself like big ribbon. People staring at me when I wear them. But that's just who I am. Add a little lolita image in my daily style like lace,ribbon or just sweet pattern makes me feel great. Since I knew my mom read my blog, I introduce lolita world on it to let her and other people who and misunderstanding of lolita. It's just a style:) I think it works. I'm going to make some Lolita dress my self this summer(it much more cheaper♥). I think Lolita style is not only what you wear but a kind of spirit of life. I only have one Angelic Pretty Skirt so far but I think I'm totally Lolita. So just think in lolita way,a big smile is the first step.It's not a sin to be cute:)

  74. lacarmina
    Posted July 17, 2010 at 8:42 pm | Permalink

    Great advice – DIY, small steps, and introducing your parents to the concept. :D

  75. Caffinatedninja
    Posted November 3, 2010 at 4:28 am | Permalink

    well u should wear what u want part of dressing lolita is being confident. besides they are probably just jelous.lots ppl love it. :) idk about ur parents. i dont understand parents would dissoproove of a fasion that is so modest. It shows they are close minded no affence.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked with *

*
*